The Bartender

My wife told me I was having a midlife crisis. I didn’t think so. My new copper-red hardtop convertible Miata was a logical replacement for the motorcycle I’d had in my younger days, and I was on a two-day road trip in northern Pennsylvania to look for my lost youth.

I pulled into the parking lot, stopped, and pressed the button to close the retractable hardtop. I chose the place because the motel was attached to a bar. I could drink what I wanted and not worry about driving.”

Two guys were standing in front of their room next to their fishing boat that was on a trailer . “That’s quite a contraption,” one of them said.

“Thanks,” I said. I enjoyed it when people admired my car.

They introduced themselves as Clyde and Glenn. The door to their room was open. “Is this place any good?”

“Yeah, it’s fine, my brother and I have been coming here for years to fish.” Gesturing to the room Glenn said, “You can have a look if you want.”

It was sparse but clean. An old dresser and a bed with a faded brown bedspread were the only furniture in the room. A tiny TV sat on the dresser. I had seen worse; I’d started taking road trips through the rural portions of the eastern United States many years ago. I would drive on winding mountainous roads, sleep at some fleabag joint like this, and continue the next day. There was never any need for fancy.

They were standing in the doorway. “What do you think?” Clyde said.

I shrugged. “This will do fine. How’s the food next door?”

“The steak is my favorite,” Clyde said.

“I like the wings, if you can handle the hot sauce. Maybe we’ll see you over there,” Glenn said.

The office for the motel was in the bar. It was crowded but not crazy. I could tell it was a regular watering hole for the town. I paid for my room and got a key. It was an actual key attached to a large blue plastic fob with the number 10 imprinted in faded gold.

I dropped my bag in the room and hightailed it to the bar. Business had picked up, it was packed; I grabbed the one empty bar stool. My fishermen friends were seated at the far end of the bar. Clyde raised his glass and smiled at me. I nodded a response.

As I scouted for the bartender, I noticed three young women in their early 20s to my left. The one sitting next to me had four empty shot glasses in front of her. I made eye contact. “What’s the occasion?”

She ran her hand through her long blonde hair. “What… What was that?”

I pointed to the empty shot glasses. “I just figured you ladies were celebrating.”

“Its Friday! Thessse are my drinking buddies. Friday is our chance to drink tequila. Isn’t that right, Jenny?”

Jenny giggled. “Yessh, it’s been a crazy week. This is our chance to blow off steam.” She picked up a shot glass that was full and downed the clear liquid.

Moving faster than I thought possible, a woman about the size of a 12-year-old child climbed on a knee-high stool and reached for a bottle of Jack Daniels. She hopped down to the floor, plucked three shot glasses, and delivered the drinks to her customers at the far end of the bar. The entire event happened in 90 seconds.

She returned to take my order. Her neck was at bar level. “Hi, my name is Kristie. What can I getcha?”

“I hear your wings are good.”

“Yep—mild, hot or inferno?”

I paused to think. “Inferno.”

“You sure? Inferno is INFERNO!”

“Yes, I’m sure and a Yuengling.”

Kristie smiled. “Got it, you’ll need the beer.”

I enjoy bars; I really do, the glistening liquor bottles lined up in front of a mirror, the groups of people huddled together drinking beers and eating popcorn from a paper-lined basket, and the busy bartenders keeping the glasses full like a plate-spinning act at a vaudeville show.

The wings were definitely INFERNO; they required many Yuenglings. I needed another beer and looked for Kristie. She was over with my fishermen friends, where a commotion was underway. I could not hear most of the conversation other than, “We’re not paying for this!”

A loud back and forth ensued and ended with the fishermen stomping out of the bar. Kristie began removing the uneaten steaks, clanking the dishes loudly. She was struggling because she had to stretch her arms up to reach the bar. A co-worker started to help her and she walked over to me. I expected to see her crying, but her face was red and she was pissed.

“Assholes! They refused to pay for their dinner.”

She grabbed my mug and returned with a full beer. She was noticeably calmer.

“What happened?” I asked.

“They refused to pay because we gave them their salad and steak together. I told them I was sorry, we’re really busy, but no deal.”

“Wow, that sucks.”

She pointed to a chalkboard. “Zach is putting their names on the Wall of Shame. They are no longer welcome here. If your name is on the board and you try to come back, Zach will take care of you.”

A chalkboard was on the back wall with a few names on it. Zach was huge. He must have been the bouncer. He neatly drew the fishermen’s names on the board.

One of the sloshed young women rushed out of the bar. “What’s up with her?” I asked her friend.

“She’s out in the parking lot puking, happens to her every time.”

The dad in me kicked in. I motioned for Kristie. She walked over and I looked down at her. “I’m concerned about these girls. They should not be driving.”

She started to wipe down the counter in front of me; it was quite a reach for her.

Her face softened. “I called the mother of the one who puked. They won’t be driving anywhere tonight.”

“Thanks… How long have you been doing this, being a bartender?”

“Oh, I don’t know, ten … no, at least fifteen years.”

“Well, you’re very good at it.”

She smirked. “You're surprised because I’m … I’m short.”

“No…”

“It’s okay honey, there’s not much for me to do in this town anymore. Most of the industry left years ago. Besides that, my husband split and I have two kids. A girl has to work, you know.”

“Well, you have adapted very well.”

At last call, I paid my tab and left a hefty tip for Kristie. The lights were out in the fishermen’s room and I wondered if they would get an early start to their fishing in the morning.